Day 37..,Where I do belong …..
So I listen today hang out and it was about perspective of senior destonians …and was great discussion .Thru listening someone mention that it will be great ,when little older people can share the knowledge of experience with younger generation ,which is so cool.
The point of comparison in me came up …about my life ,my experience in life ,or what can I share with younger people …and the question ,where I belong??…
In my life ,were I was young I never understood my age young people , I saw how stupid they can act …and really did not like this fun ,which everybody experience …,part is maybe my childhood when I was sick a lot and saw from different perspective life ,how fragile is life and health ,and importance of responsibility for your action.So during my school of high school and college I volunteer in hospital work .I want to make it different in this life ,and in this time i really enjoy communication with older people ,were they had more common sense and i totally understood them .
Now I am 50 and thru this years I never experience marriage or having children's ,divorce or this experience people my age have gone ….,and many times I totally can not relate towards people my age…I mean I have tons of emotions to work on it …but Experience to fallow not….So I wish to have this wisdom of my age people ,this insides …,which only can come from living the experience …..this feeling bring points go regrets in me sand comparison …..and because of this I want to take some self forgiveness points…:
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to feel that I need to belong somewhere .
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself have regrets ,because i never made a decision to be married or have children ,and thinking that ,because of this i am sort of in the middle and don't belong to my age group people.
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself really never accept the reality of my decision,which is to not having children in time were I could have children.
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself feel less ,because I never made the decision to experience motherhood .
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself as long as I remember, to feel like outsider ,because I did not went thru so many experience ,life experience like many my age friends went .
6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not accept the reality of my life now ,but still holding on the past .
7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my decision,but hold on on blaming someone or something ,were in reality ,this was my doing .
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to feel so much regret ,because I did not took a chance in my life to became mother or wife .
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to always live in the past or future projections ,never be here ,breathe .
10 .I commit myself to stop this blame ,regrets and walk the process of self forgiveness.
11.I commit myself to accept my decision and make a peace with the decision of my past and start living in the now ,to do things which can be done now .
12 .I commit myself to not to waist anymore time on this emotions of regrets and blame ,but start walking for real ,start living and breathing .
thank You for reading!!
